The Thique of It!
Today was insanely emotional…from the moment I woke up to the moment I went to bed. I’m really not even sure where to start. I’ll just jump to the training.
My professor warned us that this part of the training was going to be extremely intense, but I underestimated him. Today, we focused on before the trauma, during the trauma, and after the trauma. I call it “the day of trauma.”
Everyone shared their story of how they were once untouched by trauma and lived with an indescribable innocence. Then they told the story of their traumatic event. The stories ranged from the death of a husband, to an HIV diagnosis, to the murder of entire families, to being left alone as children and having to figure out a way to survive.
Everyone at the table was crying. I held it in until we left for lunch. Once the group went to lunch, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I tried looking up, blinking rapidly, drinking water, and breathing, but nothing worked. I managed to pull myself together before they came back from lunch.
After lunch, we did a butterfly activity. The goal of the activity was to write a letter to a loved one who has passed away, saying a final goodbye or anything else you want them to know.
At first, they laughed at it because they didn’t understand how their messages were going to make it to their loved ones. They trusted me and continued the process. I played soft music in the background, and before long, everyone was locked in, writing and drawing pictures.
Once everyone finished, we taped our butterfly to the wall and had them place their messages on the wings of the butterfly. Then I asked them how their loved ones would respond to the messages.
One woman said that she wrote a letter to her mother, letting her know that she is still alive. Despite all she’s been through, despite the genocide against the Tutsi, she is still alive.
Everyone started crying again. Some people just couldn’t handle doing the activity because it was too heavy for them, which honestly, I understand.
After that we focused on what does life look like after you have experienced a traumatic event. They spoke about how they felt alone, dark, stone-like, hopeless, and they often became silent. They wouldn’t speak and created a shell to protect them from experiencing trauma again.
Lastly, we touched on what does creating a new life story look like. The people of Rwanda, specifically the people in this group, are so resilient and hopeful. They are all hopeful that life will get better. They also have this innate collectivistic spirit, which pulls them together. They all believed that they have the ability to change their lives/stories and that is so inspiring.
This that thique Beyonce was really talking about lol. (Now why would I make a joke like that after talking about something so traumatic? Forgive me lol.)
After training we had a clinical supervision meeting.
What I Ate: 🥙
I didn’t eat breakfast this morning. Usually when I am hyper-emotional I lose my appetite.
For lunch, I didn’t have much because I was so emotional lol. I ate tear stained chicken and rice 😅.
For dinner I just had that watermelon juice I was drinking during our FaceTime call.
I know I needed to eat more but I just couldn’t. And I try not to waste my food here lol. So I’ll rather not eat anything than to get some food and not finish it.
What I miss 🧡:
It’s challenging right now but…I miss you man.
Random
Have you watch that Issa Rae show on TikTok? If you haven’t I would love to watch it together. It’s not that long…I don’t think. We can do like a FaceTime movie/show date if you’re down! Just let me know.
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